We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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