you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
