Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
