so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
