Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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