Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
