At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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