I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
