I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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