Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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