11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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