Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You dont lie about slip and slides
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
