I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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