Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
