What a fucking waste of an outfit
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
