THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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