i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
