when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Shame - the story of my life.
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