What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
