soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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