the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
