And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
