Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
