do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
