whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
