oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
