everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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