i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
