I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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