Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
