I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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