just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
