Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
