You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
