I have demons in me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
