so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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