So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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