After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
