first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
