watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
