At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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