We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
