I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
