I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
