this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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