I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
