She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
