I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
