Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
