How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
