im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
