i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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