Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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