Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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