dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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