i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
